Have you ever had a feeling that your not in the moment? Not fully participial in whatever is going on? Ever had that haze separate you from the rest of the world? Well that is my situation at the moment. I dunno what is going on,time is flying and I feel each grain of sand going down the slope of the hourglass. But am helpless, and i watch it slide away to meet its end. I know its time i got up and put an end to this. But lethargy is creeping at me up and strong. Its so much easier to give into the darkness. I know I've decisions to make, stuff to figure out, and that am yet to embark on the journey that would change my life. But its like it doesnt even matter. I dunno if anyone would relate to this situation. Shit,i dont even know if its normal. But the point is, that time and again I find myself drifting into this space, where I curl up and lose sense of reality. And even the most pressing issues are damned to hell. I can see people extending their hands,trying to pull me back, but I turn around and walk the other way.
Last time I felt like this,i screwed up a lot of things, including my board exams,ha! now that is something that wont ever go away. I dont wanna do something similar again. But its hard to hold onto reality when its uglier than sewage. My mind's spinning, when did my perfect world turn upside down? In a blink of an eye you lose what you thought you'd always have. And no matter what you do,it ends up being used against you. It sucks completely. Thats when you once again feel the darkness creep up again. Just like Venom creeps on Spiderman, its got a feel good vibe to it and all you have to do is lay back and enjoy the ride. So why not? Who could resist it,huh?
So thats what am doing these days. Its kinda like being under the influence of some drug,but I wouldnt know much about that. Yup,basically slogging it out. But every once in a while i feel like stepping out and putting myself out there. Unfortunately its a short-lived notion. Lets see how long I remain like this, an egg has to crack sooner or later, rite? In this case,probably later though,hmmm.
